Katie Noonan’s Vanguard

FALLING INTO A LIE

Falling into a lie
I keep telling myself
I’m carving my past out again

Pushing it away
Don’t want to see that girl again

But I must look her in the eye
For only then can I see ahead
Only then can I see

Falling into a the cave
Hoping no one is home

Fingers scrambling for the edge
Mouth gaping for air

And I devour your story to avoid my own

I should, I should I, I should…
Tears from years ago come again
You are the soldier
You are the soldier
You are the soldier

I hold you up like you hold me now

SILENCE SPEAKS TO THE LUCKY ONES

One day feels like an eternity
I know I think of you too much
I’m scared of you defeating me again

Illusions at play as I pretend it’s all okay
But I know deep down it really isn’t

But silence speaks to the lucky one
Silence speaks to the lucky one
Silence speaks to the lucky one

Each night before I go to talk
I worry of what I might say
I’m tired of the dog pounding the wooden block
I ache for quiet, a release from this ride
An allowance to be

Silence speaks to the lucky one
Silence speaks to the lucky one
Silence speaks to the lucky one

QUICKSAND
I’m having trouble I’m only seeing my shadows today
I want to hide in the dark, don’t wanna see anything or anyone
I’m having trouble I’m only seeing my shadows
And I don’t like it, please get me out of here

Words don’t’ seem to help I’m talking in circles again
And once again your words hurt me
Cause words don’t seem to help I’m stuck in this room again

Waves of waves of sand sink me down
I don’t want to be that girl again
I can’t go back there, I can’t see that scene again
I drew the line, drew the line in the sand
I realized how little you knew me
I can’t go back there, I won’t be that girl again

Voices creeping, creeping in again
Please stop talking, please stop shouting
I waited for the sky to paint my mood
And tonight the heavens broke and the rain came down

Words don’t’ seem to help I’m talking in circles again
And once again your words hurt me
Cause words don’t seem to help I’m stuck in this room again

Waves of waves of sand sink me down
I don’t want to be that girl again
I can’t go back there, I can’t see that scene again
I drew the line, drew the line in the sand
I realized how little you knew me
I can’t go back there, I can’t be that girl again

 

GRATITUDE

All these cycles of goodbye coming up again so soon
I am sorry you are alone
I knew there was something afoot but was worried to dig too deep
We will all bury someone we love

Songs were whispering that I didn’t want to hear
Words were singing that I didn’t want to speak

He with the corn blue cheeky eyes and she with the stoic smile
Both with a gift of guiding those under their care
Hidden beneath a private dignity was a heart so full
Hidden beneath a cheeky grin was the heart of a lion

Songs were whispering that I didn’t want to hear
Words were singing that I didn’t want to speak
We will all miss a heart we were lucky enough to hold in ours

As the moon dances from lake to lake
I am grateful

 

AN UNWINNABLE RACE

I never thought, I never dreamed I’d see you there
Sad but smiling, weak but strong and full of grace

Those big strong hand that held the world at bay
I have them now for you, for you and I

Too many words laced with blame
Who dares to measures one’s pain

This is an unwinnable race

My heart bleeds to see your throne crumble
Slowly we return to where we came
I hope you still see me

I see you walk the path we dare to tread
I see the love, the love in your eyes
You are amazing

Too many words laced with blame
Who dares to measure one’s pain?

This is an unwinnable race
I just wish you peace

 

RUNNING

Knock knock hello can you let me in
Spend so much time in there
I need to swim with you

Knock knock I’m standing here outside the door
Thinking of you, dreaming of you
Sketching your face

Knock knock I cycle, cycle in and out try to find my way
I’m waiting, I’m waiting to tell you
The things you don’t wanna hear

Knock knock I don’t want to hear
The tears fall down I don’t know why
I don’t know why and I’m

Running I’m running not sure not sure where to stop
I’m itchy and jumpy and scratching out my sides
I’m running I’m running I am she to her and
I feel I’ve gotta move, feel I have to move
I’m running I’m running not sure, not sure where to stop
I’m itchy and jumpy and scratching out my sides
I’m running I’m running and

I am she to her and I
Feel I have to move

Knock knock eyes are heavy
I’m tired with me, I’m tired with you

Knock knock I shout I shout
I try to break your reverie please hear my words

Knock knock alone she is, alone she is
Her hammering thoughts
Pounding me, pounding me and I’m

Running I’m running not sure not sure where to stop
I’m itchy and jumpy and scratching out my sides
I’m running I’m running
I am she to you and I
Feel I gotta move, feel I have to move

You have nothing to say
So I cling for a change
Through the noise and empty voices

You have nothing to say…
So I cling for a change
Through the noise and empty voices

You have nothing to say
You have nothing to say
So I cling for a change
Through the noise and empty voices

 

GOODBYES

Happy faces and tearful goodbyes
Beginnings and endings all at once
The man with the stoic face
Holds his jaw stern while the tears fall down his face

Holding his jaw stern, holding his girls close
Not knowing when he may hold them again

This morning I woke to your beautiful face
I knew that was where I wanted to be
And now I’m here somewhere again
And all I want to do is hold your face

Brave little soldier
Telling me it’s all okay
Little boy man

 

BROKEN

She asked me has my heart ever been broken
And I said not by a lover, but broken just the same

It doesn’t get easier this stuff
But it gets deeper
But a trouble shared is so much less
You’re not alone

She sits there with tears welling in her eyes
‘Cause I know she’s hurting
And I want to wish it away
But only time will heal her heart

She sits braver than before
Strong and clear on a path that’s meant to be
Making change is uncomfortable
Facing yourself can be ugly
It doesn’t get easier

She sits there with tears welling in her eyes
‘Cause I know she’s hurting
And I want to wish it away
But only time will heal her heart
Only time will heal her heart

She asked me had my heart ever been broken
And I said not by a lover, but broken just the same

 

ISLAND

As words of waste and paradise circle my brain
I walk this noisy anxious road and see eye
Eye after eye of loneliness
When I questioned belief
I thought the four letters I would find would be love or home

 

But it is hope
Hope that, hope that is all so much more than what we see
What we are, more than, more than what we are more than what we do

 

Standing lonely in a crowded room
Pacing and screaming at the top of his lungs
An island of one while everyone sails on by

And does their best to not catch, to not catch his eye

 

But it is hope
Hope that, hope that is all so much more than what we see
What we are, more than, more than what we are more than what we do

But I can’t help, I can’t
I can’t help but worry who hears his words the way he needs
Holds his hands, holds his
Holds his hands as they shake with worry and fury

 

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER

In the name of the father you kill your brothers
In the name of god you kill your sisters
In the name of the father you wage war on people
Who fight in the name of their god?

 

In the name of empire you kill your brothers
On the name of greed you bomb our world
In the name of war you kill for control
But can you control what you create?

 

In the name of war children play in sewerage
In the name of greed children die before one
In the name of power you kills thousands
Lay them down like dogs in the street

 

I don’t think any god says kill your brothers
I don’t think any god is full of such hate
An eye for eye both sides say and so the cycle goes and goes

 

In the name of father people are born and die in a world of war
In the name of godchildren are thrown into fight
Little hand holding big guns
In a world of billions how can even one starve?

In this world gone mad I question a god
In this world of excess, so much excess
How can there be so little?

 

The pain of loss felt one side
Is the same sickening grief on the other?
It’s all pain, it’s all pain
When will this retaliation stop?

 

In the name of the father we kill our brothers
In the name of god we kill our sisters
In the name of greed we wage war on our brothers who fight
In the name of their god

 

PEACE IS MY DRUG

Peace is my drug
It stops the pain
In safe reflecting room
Or in a lane

 

Or in a park
I will lie
And have some peace
And get high

 

And if it’s pure and there’s lots of it about
I overdose and pass out
And dream of peace
My favourite thing
Where no body wants me
And nothings happening

 

Peace is my love
And peace is kind
I do not search
And yet I find

 

I do not need to understand
Peace comes gently at my hand

 

And if it’s pure and there’s lots of it about
I overdose and pass out
And dream of peace
My favourite thing
Where no body wants me
And nothings happening

 

CLOUD OF HOME

Feeling movement in the air, watching children run by
Sunset striking their hair like gold
Spinning gold threads of calm
Over me as I breathe in
And I am here and life is good just right now

 

And I know you are waiting for me
As I sit here and breathe to calm my heart

 

Hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms and I am home
Blue eyes of old, brown eyes of love you keep me safe and sound
Please bring me home

 

The hills of thoughts turn to mountains
That seem too large to start to climb
But I am here and I just look a little ahead one step at a time
There’ll always be too much to do

There’ll always be that voice that hounds you
But you can quieten her and keep her at bay for another day

 

The little sweetheart comes with a simple smile and hi
As the sunlight turns the green to gold

 

Hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms and I am home
Blue eyes of old, brown eyes of love you hold me safe and sound

Please bring me home

 

Your fingers wrap me in a cloud of home
Your fingers wrap me in a cloud of light
Your fingers wrap me in a cloud of warm
Your fingers wrap me in a cloud of home